letter to my children

I just saw my life flash before me.  It is through the imagining of my last days that I try and decipher what I most want to share with you.  You can’t leave it all behind with no warning; you can’t even begin to try.  I find myself wanting to impart life lessons as equally as I want to simply savor these last moments with you.

But I do want to talk to you about love.  It’s one thing I have given my all to, yet never really mastered.  I love with a heart so full, it’s hard to tame, and it sometimes gets the best of me.  I’m not sure whether mastery in love exists or is possible, but I do know I have learned most of what I know about myself through loving others…and you will too.  I will tell you also to love with your fullest heart each time you love. Trust yourself and test your boundaries, but know when to reel it in as well.  Wear your heart on one sleeve maybe, but not both.  I love that I have loved with my raw and real core; that I have loved deeply and truly and painfully and with passion.  But I was afraid when I should not have been; confident when it made no sense to be. You’re bound to go through your share of loves and heartbreaks, and you’ll come to understand, through your own experiences, how beautiful and intricate and complex and simple love is.

Know this:  You’ll always be able to pick up the pieces – no matter what.  I think that is part of what makes the act of loving so beautiful.  When your heart is ripped from beneath you…when you feel as though you cannot carry on through the pain…it is then you will know you are truly alive; and from there you will package up your grace and every last ounce of strength you have and put your heart back together…and you will love again.

Be gentle, child; not only with your own heart but with the hearts of those you love. They are trusting in you to handle them with care.  Your loves may not last forever and that’s OK; love kindly and passionately with a full and beating heart when you do.  Be compassionate.

Most importantly, love you first.  Your heart won’t ever be ready to protect the heart of another until it knows it is safe with you.